Breathing
by KwaiiKow
Summary: Heero... Duo... Fan-fic... need i say more?


Title: Breathing Author: Midnight Rose Authors notes: Don't ask I don't even like the whole concept of Heero and Duo being "together" but they are. I was going through the lyrics I had and found this song and began scheming and another one of my horrible songfics was born so read it or burn it hell if I care. Disclaimer: I don't own the gundam boys or the song 'Breathing' By Lifehouse so send the lawyers to my brother!  
  
I've found a long way back to sanity again Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do When I get there. Take a breath and hold on tight And spin around one more time And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace  
  
Once again I sat up in a cold sweat, the droplets fell like the rain did outside my window. I watched for a moment as a bolt of lightening branched across the sky than dissipated into thin air, reminds me of my humanity. Well what I once called humanity. They beat it out of me so I couldn't feel pain, I couldn't feel sorrow and hoped I wouldn't feel love. But that's where they faulted because I do love. him. Crawling from beneath the covers I make my way down the hall of a large Rebarba-Winner estate wing and put my ear to the shallow oak of the door that divides us. His breathings steady and calm, he's sleeping like a child. Well he has the personality of one and maybe that's why I love him so much. Or maybe because he's cunning and swift in battle, willing to sacrifice himself for his friends. Last night he was talking in his sleep, he was dreaming about the war but tonight he's silent.  
  
'Cause I'm hanging on every word you say And even if you don't want to speak tonight That's alright, alright with me "Cause I want nothing more Than to sit outside heavens door And listen to you breathing It's where I wanna be, yeah Where I wanna be.  
  
Returning to my room I slid back between the covers and stared out the window across me before drifting into a not so peaceful sleep.  
  
It was dark, so dark I alone felt bad for the space that consumed my body in its integrity. Voices played all around me bouncing off invisible walls as I stood there motionless. A shadow played in the corner but turning I found it was just in my mind. The voices got louder and kept moving from place to place making it impossible to tell whose was whose and what they were saying. I know without being able to tell them apart that none of them are his, he says nothing to me yet again. "NO!" I shout before all the noises cease and I'm left alone shaking and. crying as the blackness retreats and I am left with nothing but my inhumanity. God I wish it weren't so, I wish I were me again.  
  
I'm looking past the shadows in my mind Into the truth and I'm Trying to identify the voices in my head God, I wish it were you Let me feel one more time what it Feels like to feel and And break these calluses off of me one More time  
  
Sitting in my bed I shook, tears fell and the sun rose over the hills to let it's golden light shine on me again. I don't want it, I don't want to see into the hopeful eyes of another day just to be turned away by him.  
  
'Cause I'm hanging on every word you say And even if you don't want to speak tonight That's alright, alright with me "Cause I want nothing more Than to sit outside heavens door And listen to you breathing It's where I wanna be, yeah Where I wanna be.  
  
Morning's here and making my way down the hall the familiar door that I sit outside every night opens only for a moment, a glimpse of my face and it shuts again drowning the hallway in darkness. He's still mad, I figured he would be. He tried to kill himself three nights ago and I stopped him, he yelled and screamed and actually landed a good hit in my face. Reaching my hand up I trace the black eye he gave me that night and smile. Just that small touch seemed like heaven even if the pain and anger in his eyes seeemed like hell to a thousand tortured souls nothing compares to that pain I saw. Slowly the door opens again and I realize I hadn't moved from when he slammed it shut. "Heero, come inside please we need to talk." He whispers so solemnly, so meekly it scares me. Unless this is an alter ego he is really upset about what happened. Stepping in the door everything's dark and the door shuts secluding us alone. I don't know why I came in he'll just yell at me some more but one look into his eyes and I realize theres no hatred in them, no disgust just regret and what seems like sorrow. "I'm sorry I hit you the other night I was just upset." I nodd in response. "And I just wanted to." He looks at me again, the sorrows more intense but I dare not let my worry show. "let you know." I give no response and he crosses his arms fed up and huffs at me with an infuriated sigh. "I figured you wouldn't say anything." He rolls his eyes and breaths steady once again, the same steady breathing that has calmed my nerves all those nights after those horrifying nightmares.  
  
I don't want a thing from you I bet you're tired of me Waiting for the scratch to fall off Of your table to the ground. 'Cause I just wanna be here now.  
  
'Cause I'm hanging on every word you say And even if you don't want to speak tonight That's alright, alright with me "Cause I want nothing more Than to sit outside heavens door And listen to you breathing It's where I wanna be, yeah Where I wanna be.  
  
I was surprised and wasn't afraid to let myself smile at the boy who I had grown up with and was now a man. A man who I loved, and wanted to be with but also a man who could never love me so I got up and left shutting the door behind me and listening to him cry fast unsteady wimpers.  
  
'Cause I'm hanging on every word you say And even if you don't want to speak tonight That's alright, alright with me "Cause I want nothing more Than to sit outside heavens door And listen to you breathing It's where I wanna be, yeah Where I wanna be. 


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